Finding Strength in Grief

*I wrote this post last year and never published it...until now. Notice the difference between this post and the next - evidence of the roller-coaster ride grief takes you on. It's clear that even I need to be reminded of these words from time to time.*

Every year around this time, I am compelled to write. This year seems no different. So here it goes...

Four years have come and gone since Nick left this life. Four years that seem a world away from the life before. In those four years, I have come to learn a few things about life, grief and the resilience of the human spirit.

It's true what they say, life does go on after the loss of a loved one. It is the natural way of things. Spring always brings new life following the dead of winter. But that doesn't mean you go on as you did before. And you certainly are not the same person. You can't live through a loss like that unchanged. But you do learn how to adapt to life as it is and who it has forced you to become.

Slowly, you start to realize that joy and light can still be found through the pain and darkness. It is not as bright as it once was, but it is there just the same. You will have moments of complete and utter desolation, so intense you can't breathe from the force of it, but those moments grow fewer and farther between, and in their place are bittersweet moments with hints of a smile and whispers of laughter. Soon you will be able to go a day, two days, a week without remembering that your world is not as complete as it once was. You find yourself making new memories of this new life you now must lead and cherish them all the more, for you know how fleeting they can be. You no longer wear the mask of grief but of survival. Because you have indeed survived. You woke up every morning to face the dawn and placed one foot in front of the other, knowing each step was one taken without the presence of the one you loved and lost. You somehow found the strength to face life in the midst of sorrow, heartbreak and a hollow emptiness. And in doing so, you found an inner strength that will carry you through all of life's challenges.

Grief changes with time. The all-consuming, heart wrenching pain that you faced for months, even years after they are gone, lessens in intensity and frequency. There are periods of time when you are able to forget that it still resides in the hollows of your soul. But though it may diminish its impact, grief never leaves you. There will always be a part of you that grieves for what you have lost. But whatever you do, do not run from this grief. Instead, embrace it. As hard as that might be to accept, and believe me, it was for me as well, it is in that grief that you keep love alive. It wasn't until I came across this quote that I finally understood what grief meant:

"Grief is the last act of love we have to give those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love."

Embrace your grief because it means your love was great. Hold on to that and the memory of the one you lost. Embrace the memory of the life you had before, because it will give you strength when you think you can't take one step further. The love that was shared and the memories that were made will carry you through the challenges of this new life that you must live. By embracing your grief, you are able to diminish its intensity and find the joy and beauty in life again. Look back not on what you lost but on the time you were blessed to spend with the one you grieve for.

And, finally, let God carry your burdens, your sorrow, your weakness. For through Him, can peace and strength be found. Find the courage to give your pain over to the Almighty and He will show you the light that can still be found in this world. His blessings do not stop on your life, even through the fog of grief. He is always there, working to see you through what may be the darkest time of your life.